I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
