i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
