she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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