he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
