i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
