I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want nice things and good sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
