fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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