on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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