After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
