so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
