he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
