Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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