dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
