I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
