I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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