Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
