I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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