So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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