Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
