I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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