What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
