doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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