Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
