She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
