Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
