just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
