I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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