Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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