it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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