While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
