you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
