were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
