I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
