she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
