thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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