How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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