Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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