wanna go halves on a baby?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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