There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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