So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
