Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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