it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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