Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
