Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you made out with another girl for some wings
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
