Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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