OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
