She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
