listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
