so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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