Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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