even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
