She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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