yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
