You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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