Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
