Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
