Will you blow on my dice?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize