They should really pass out barf bags in church
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
