I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
