ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
