I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
