Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
