I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
