In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
