VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
