saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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