she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
