Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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