well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
