Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Go christen that room with your naked body.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
