thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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