OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
