Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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