When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
